Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Monday, June 28, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
I just killed a spider at work today and it's always such an ordeal. I hate spiders. I know, I know I hate many things. Too many some people/jerks might say. I suppose I should rephrase then and say that spiders scare the bejeesus out of me. Sometimes I think it's cause they move so fast but then I see slow ones and they scare me even more. I can't really put my finger on why they scare me so much really, but they do. Give me a bed of snakes any day. So, anyway, I was struggling with my cabinet door that sticks and the whole thing rolled a little and a spider ran out. I immediately went into panic mode. The thing that goes hand in hand with me hating spiders is the fact that killing a spider makes me feel bad. Killing anything makes me feel bad. When I was little I used to run out onto our driveway after it rained and throw worms back into the yard cause I was sad that they were out there all exposed. To this day if I see a worm struggling on a sidewalk I'll try to get it back to the dirt. I'm not lying - I did it at the park the other day. What can I say, I'm a weirdo. I feel empathy for EVERYTHING non-human. It's one of my weaknesses.
So I'm standing there in a panic cause there is a spider running towards my chair but I don't want to kill it. Conversely, I also can't capture it and throw it outside cause that would require me to get close to said spider and that is an impossibility. For a split second I feel like screaming and running away is my best option. I'm at work tho, and that would be ridiculous. I stifle my scream and my mind races, I have to make a decision. The spider must have decided the chair wasn't a viable option because he (yes all spiders are he's) is now running towards my purse. MY PURSE for christ sakes. I spot a stack of papers waiting for the shredder. That's it! I'll put that heavy paper on it and if the spider was killed, so be it. It wasn't actually me that was killing it then. It was the paper. I threw the stack down on it and the spider didn't crawl out the other end. It was over. A wave of guilt washed over me. In fact, as I write this now I feel terrible. Hopefully sharing this with you all will absolve the guilt just a little bit but it probably won't. Maybe I should go to a hypnotist and have him/her make me think that spiders are as cute as little puppies. Then if I saw one I would just pick it up and cuddle it.
I just almost passed out while typing that.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
2010 bitches! Guess what! I went back and looked at my 2009 New Years post and I actually did some of my moxies! For explanation click HERE
I wrote more - not on the bloggie but in real life so shut it about the whole not posting since Sept. thing. I'm even thinking about starting a Deviant Art page to catch some of the stuff I don't post up here. We'll see, that might be too much work.
I got the hell out of San Mateo. In fact I am living back in the city and enjoying new and different ways of people pissing me off.
I think I lived a more relaxed life, I tried to not let things bother me as much. I mean...they still bothered me but I think I was able to shrug off more. I feel overall less stressed but I might just be increasingly tired. Seriously, last Saturday I couldn't look at my bed without sleeping for 3 hours. It was ridiculous.
This year I decided that I wasn't going to make any New Year moxies. I figured I was old enough now to just change my life without the pressure of pre-determined have too's. Or maybe I'll just decide that my life is going pretty well and I don't want to change it. We'll see how that works. 2010 is shaping up to be a pretty crazy year and January sucked so I'm hoping it will only get better.
My 10 year high school reunion is this year so that's nuts. Mike and I met a few friends that we went to school with over Christmas when we traveled back to the great white middle north. We were all talking about how things like Facebook have kinda ruined the fun of reunions. Now I get updates on what these people are doing every goddamn minute. I've already seen who got fat, who lost their hair, who has 4 kids. All the good stuff that you are supposed to find out about all at once and then compare them instantly to your life. It's not nearly as fun. Speaking of reunions, I watched Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion the other day because I was bored and I vaguely remembered liking it. Turns out I like Janeane Garofalo's part in it and that's about it. BUT, I thought it was interesting how accurately they portrayed those feelings that you can have about yourself 10 years later. You can walk in thinking about how awesome you are, how much you've grown, how you have a kick ass job, great partner, adorable kids, and you can spot one group of people out of the corner of your eye and all those feelings or insecurities you may have had when you were 17 come rushing back. Most likely you have spent more time now away from these people as you did together but somehow it's like you never left.
I wonder if it will be like that for me? I feel like I have a huge advantage given that I am married to someone who went to the same school I did and knows all the same people. There won't be any pretending by me to be someone that I'm not. He'll keep me honest and ultimately that will give me all I need to not feel those feeling of insecurity. I am proud of who I am and what I do. Cause in the immortal words of Christian...I'm kinda a big deal.