I know what you are thinking.

You're thinking: "Hey! Laura wants people to read this bloggie and then because she wants people to read it, she stops for MONTHS at a time. Just stops writing."

I know all you 7 people who might read this are angry and I am sorry. I know it's like getting to the middle of a too long and rambley but mildly funny book and then you turn the page and it's blank. Totally blank save some tiny type at the bottom of the page that says: To be continued in a few months. It sucks I know and I'm sorry. I'm also sorry that now that I am back I am going to once again talk about Caltrain. Oh yes I am. Not the whole bloggie...but the beginning definitely is devoted to the mighty C-train.

This is the scenario that I seem to be witnessing night after night. The train gets to my stop. I disembark along with a group of 5 to 7 others. We start walking to the stairs so we leave the train behind us. Up ahead I see a young guy hauling ass across the tracks to catch the train. He zooms passed us and undoubtedly 2 or 3 of my walking mates throw a baffled look on their faces and then stop, turn around and stare.

WHAT are you LOOKING at?! I want to scream into the night. You know where he is going! You know why he is running! Why do you have to look?! At first I thought it was because they wanted to see if said Young man made the train or not. But then the more I watched the more I saw genuine confusion on their faces.
It's like you can see them thinking :"hmm, I wonder where he is running to. I should stop in the middle of the platform, turn and stare to figure it out....oooooh I see he was trying to catch the train....huh imagine that"

Sometimes I think about what my life would be like if I thought like that. Like what if you saw one of those weird commercials for everyday things like plastic, or chicken, or Velcro...and you went out of your way to go purchase some plastic. Like you put up terrible plastic windows in your house instead of glass cause the TV told you to.

Sometimes I joke and say that ignorance really is bliss and I am jealous of people that are like that. But then again, I feel like somewhere deep down inside I would know. I would be standing there at the train platform and there would be a tiny voice saying...psst...you are being a moron...please stop...psst. Or if I was standing at my polling place with the screen in front of me ready to vote a man that picked Sarah Palin as his VP into the most important office in this country. There the little voice would be...hey...hey...pay attention...you are sending this country to hell....pssst. Or if I felt that it was my job to tell adults who they can and cannot marry I imagine there would be a ringing in my brain....hey...who the hell gives you the right to outlaw an institution that has nothing to do with the law and everything to do with civil rights...hey....stop it you bigoted piece of shit....hey...pssst...

So as I walk past the people who are turned to answer the ultimate mystery of the world I shake my head in sadness and thank jeebus that I voted for Barack Obama.

Congratulations President Elect Obama! People from Illinois rule the world! :D

grrr

So, the weight loss is going good but I am way too angry to talk about it. I hope being enraged burns calories.

I visited my local Walgreens today to fill my monthly pills.
I had a brand spanking new insurance card that was burning a hole in my wallet and I couldn't wait to sign up so I could get some rewards for all of this hard work I do monday - friday. So, I gave them my card and the prescription was filled (many other ridiculous things happened but that will only detract from the main story). I look at the little screen about to swipe my card thru and I see a big '0l $50.00 staring back at me. Whoa whoa whoa I say to the pharmacist...50 bucks?! Last month it was 30! I was surprised to say the least...mainly because this was supposed to be the better insurance plan. The gold standard of insurance, and I paid less on my former plan.

So, the pharmacist or Pharmacistoleer as I like to call them double checked all the info and said that I should definitely call the insurance company when I get back to find out what's going on cause going from 30-50 on a better plan seems absurd. So I walked back to work knowing full well that these things are very rarely a mistake and that I was going to get screwed. I got back and told my boss, who happens to also be the HR guy and the guys that sets this stuff up, what happened. He looks on the paperwork and sees that the breakdown is 10/25/40 for generic/something else/ something else. So we think that it should at least be 40 at the most. So he calls the insurance company and speaks with a women and we eventually find out that they just raised their rates...on that one specific tier of prescription drugs...the one tier where guess what? my prescription lies smack in the middle of. so now I am paying $50 to keep me from having a baby that I am woefully unready for and my insurance is paying $6.99. How's that for a kick in the fucking mouth?

So the fact that I have to PAY for something that helps everyone involved including society pisses me off to no end. The fact that I can get my migraine medicine (that has NARCOTICS in it) for $10 pisses me off. But the kicker...the thing that enrages me TO THE CORE is that if my DICK were broken and I couldn't have 75 year old sex with my 35 year old wife I could get those pills for free. Yes free. My doctor would be shoving those little blue bitches down my throat like there is no tomorrow. But I don't have a dick let alone a broken one...so guess what?

I get screwed every month until I can't afford it anymore...then I can't get screwed.

I'm not dead...but I should be

Well...back from another month long stoppage. I should really not do that. I am trying to get people to read this and I don't think they will if I keep disappearing for months. I decided to get back into it today cause I actually have something to talk about. I've been back on the good ole' weight watchers for almost 2 weeks now and I am starting for feel things and understand things like I never have before.

This all started with a couple of chicks at work who were talking about losing weight. And we were talking about reward systems and all that jazz. Well I started to think about what could get me to lose weight and it hit me. I want a really cool back tattoo but I never wanted to get it cause that would involve me having my shirt either up or off in public for an extended period of time. And that my friends wasn't going to happen.

I love food. I love to eat when I am hungry, bored, sad, happy, stressed. Really anytime is food time for Laura. The consequence of this forbidden love has been a less than wonderful result in me getting a leeeeetle thick. It was never that much of an issue for me fortunately or unfortunately I guess...I don't really care that much. Luckily, I have a great husband who loves me and supports me and never says anything bad about my body. In fact, he always surprises me with how much he loves it. Sure I get pissed off when I can't fit into the jeans I just bought...but hey that turns into a trip for new pants....soooo....BONUS. Like one of Pavlov's dogs I am in essence rewarding myself for destroying my health. Not pretty.

I also have bad knees from years of catching for a truly shitty park district softball team. I used to spend HOURS in a crouched position, jumping up, crouched, jumping up, repeat repeat repeat. That stress plus the weight has guaranteed pain, swelling, and a wonderful wet grinding pop sound that will literally turn people green when they are near me walking up stairs.

So all of this lead me back last Tuesday to the Weight Watchers online program. Which I have tried before and lost weight and actually liked it. They let you eat what you want but point counting gets you thinking about what you should eat. It is sort of like a game to me. Like how much food can I consume for 2 points. So I am on that and will keep you updated. There are some things tho that I have found very interesting.

1. People go fucking holt shit crazy when it comes to losing weight. Every time I hear others obsess about it the classic Conan O'Brien "stay cool my babies" always pops into my head.

2. When you don't care how long it takes...the pressure and the weight starts flying off. Last time I did this I had this super unrealistic timeline...this time if it takes 2 years, it takes 2 years.

3. Food tastes so much better when you are starving. I keep having moments of "this 100 calorie cookie pack contains the best tasting anythings in the wor...wait...no...this carrot is the best tasting thing in the world."

4. When looked back upon, the things that you ate to get you here...should have killed you dead a long time ago.

5. The BMI index is a load of crap. My"ideal" weight is 139 and that is way too small for me. So ignore that and be where you feel comfortable - I think your body will tell you. 139 is smaller than I was in high school and that is just BMIdiculous.

So...I will keep all the masses updated with my progress. But not too much cause that is boring as hell and not nearly caustic enough to keep me wanting to write about it.

heeheeomgroflolmao

I assume all of the 8 people that might read this bloggie use some sort of instant messaging service or at least have at some point. I was typing to Mike today and I started to think about IM language. I try very hard not to get sucked into the abbreviation extravaganza as I am a word elitist and I like typing, so I try to make it last as long as possible. I do like however that there has been a sort of "laugh sound hierarchy" put into place in order to let people know just how funny they think you are.

Example...if I write something to Mike and get a "heh" or "heeh" that means one of two things. He didn't really read what I just wrote and "heh" was the quick response OR he is super busy...scanned the IM and in his rush to laughtype his fingers got all confused.
The second tier of the laughtype pyramid is the "hehe" or "hee". This means that what you typed has caused a chuckle. Not a full laugh but it definitly warrants a little something.
The third tier is the full on "haha" or even the "HAHA!" this is usually what I strive for. If I say something clever and get the "haha" I feel good about it...proud even.
The fourth tier is where I start to lose some footing. The "lol" tier. First off, ALL laughs are out loud...even "hehe's". Not to mention the fact that if something was funny and you shouted "laugh out loud" people would think that you were crazy, or a robot, or both. And nothing stops a conversation like a crazy robot.
Which brings me to the fifth and final tier of the pyramid. The paragraph abbreviations. The "omgroflmao" laughs. These should not be tolerated and if someone types that to you and they are over the age of 9 you should beat them....with their keyboard.

Just down the street from the laughtype pyramid there is a more sinister activity afoot. And as much as I despise the constant stupid abbreviations I can handle them...as long as they are in type form. The trend of saying the abbreviations out loud could possible be the most annoying thing I have witnessed since non-dancers started wearing leg-warmers. When I hear someone actually say "lol" or "btw" or "omg" I want to tear off their fingers and stuff them in their mouth. See folks, at this point the people are actually talking to each other and can say the words...or better yet...can just actually laugh. Speaking really doesn't require additional shortcuts other than the occasional contraction. And since evolutionary wise we all took the time to learn to speak and all I think we should embrace the gift.
And don't even get me started on the emoticons...you little freaks.

Things that annoy the hell out of me

1. The second after you put on lipstick, gloss, balm, anything of that nature, your nose starts to run...so you have to use kleenex...which sticks to the newly applied lip goo...getting kleenex fuzzies in it and making it so you have to reapply. At which point the entire process starts again.

2. Trying to do one simple task and having it turn out to be the most aggravating 3 minutes of your entire life. Example: coming out of the laundry room with a full basket of laundry, shifting the laundry to your one arm and hip you struggle to find the key to lock the door back up, it has fallen to the deepest part of your pocket, once you fish it out the key seems to have gone thru the ring making it impossible to put it in the key hole, as you are trying to make the key work you feel the laundry start to slip, as the key finally gets into the hole you lose the laundry spilling all your new clean clothes on the gross floor, you bend over to pick up one last sock only to have it fall out of your hand....twice.

3. When wheeltards (see transportation post) hit a curb with the bag in front of you and it flips over prompting the carrier to flail it about wildly trying to right it. Meanwhile your toes and feet are now broken all because you had the audacity to walk behind them.

4. When places like hair salons, hotels, airlines, can cancel your services at a moments notice but you must give them 4 months notice in advance to cancel, send it sealed with your blood and then pay them for the hassle of helping out your fellow man by creating a spot.












5. Murphy's Law

6. People that wear scarves for no reason. I grew up waiting for the bus when it was 20 degrees below zero windchill and I never wore a scarf. Why must you wear one when it is 73 and sunny outside? It isn't fashionable it is stupid and if I see you on the street wearing one and I am in a T shirt I am going to grab it and then strangle you with it. Just a friendly warning.

Which one would you be?

This bloggie appears to be rapidly turning into a movie review site. But that's ok because seeing movies and writing about them for money would be an awesome gig and I think I will pretend that I am getting paid for this now. Ok, delusions aside...I want to talk about the Sex and the City movie. Which from now on I shall abbreviate SATC to save my fingers. When I first watched SATC I HATED it...HATED like I hate wheelie bags. I viewed it as some rich hoes running around Manhattan talking about clothes that not only were WAY too expensive, but were ugly as hell. I think I had seen half of an episode at that time and it was a Carrie heavy one...so I thought the fashion was the focus. I couldn't imagine how watching some chick shop wearing shoes that would cripple me had garnered these legions of women fans. I chalked it up to just another class I had missed in girl school and never watched another episode.

Fast forward a couple years and we have just moved to San Francisco. We are staying at my cousin's house. He has almost the whole run of SATC on DVD (I believe it might be a requirement for successful gay males) and I have nothing else to do. So I watch it. And I can't stop. I laugh and cry and sometimes, because they have done conversations so right, I get super uncomfortable and turn it off. But I always turn it back on in a few minutes. We leave, get our own place and live our life.

Fast forward again and I start watching episodes on TBS or something. Mike gets involved and he gets hooked too. And boy do people give him shit for it...but more on that later. So we end up watching the entire run again...minus some stuff that has to get bleeped or not shown at all.

Fast forward again (last time I swear) and the SATC movie is about to come out. Mike and I are super excited...the day comes and we go see it with some friends that are going to see Indy. I was nervous because of what I read from some critics. And....I must say.....it was....awesome. I LOVED it. It was like the series...I laughed, I cried, I cried more, then I laughed. It was one of the better movies I have seen this year. Don't smirk you bastards I'm serious. Now, I'm not sure if I would have liked it as much if I hadn't watched/liked the show. But I don't think they made it for those that don't watch the show. I wouldn't have. One of my favorite things about it was that it made no attempt to spend 2 hours of the movie "filling you in" on what went on for the last 7 years. I equate it to the Simpsons movie. It was pure fluff for those of us who are die hard fans and don't mind if a movie is just 4 episodes tied together.

While I was sitting in the theater I was thinking about why the formula just works so well. And I have come to the conclusion that it is because every person that watches it can take a little something that appeals to them away from it. I like watching it because I like to see 4 successful women have each others back no matter what. It is pretty hard for me to make friends that I trust and love and to be honest I have only had probably 3 in my entire 26 years. So to see friendship like that gives me hope that it can happen. Sure...it isn't real life and they might not be able to stand each other after the cameras stop rolling but who cares. It is fantasy-the best thing about movies! Others might like the clothes...if New York is considered the 5th girl the wardrobe is a close 6th. Others might like the lifestyle of one or all of the girls...the "which one are you" question always seems to come up among fans. Others might like the sex. It is unapologetically a main part of the show and I can say if I am going to see sex in a show...I like it presented a certain way and SATC knows how to do it.

Mike on the other hand has things a little rougher. He is a heterosexual male and therefore was supposed to be either "dragged" to see SATC or was supposed to go see Indy while I went. But here's the kicker...he loves SATC too! When we left the theater and met back up with our friends they were getting on his case for saying it was the best movie he has seen all year. It is truly stupid that he can get made fun of for liking a movie...but one of the best things about my husband is that he is VERY confident in his beliefs...especially when it comes to entertainment. He is fully secure to say "fuck you I liked it" and the fact that he does like it proves my point of why it succeeds. It isn't just a girl thing, he takes something away from it too. If I were I boy I think I would enjoy watching women who are sexy, funny, successful and caring. Why not? I enjoy watching movies about men who are those traits. I mean he has me but it's not like he can watch me ALL the time. :)

So all in all SATC is a really good movie and the critics that panned it probably were just unable to allow themselves to take something from it. Which is becoming more and more prevalent with critics ...but that is a WHOLE other bloggie.
So, which one are you?

Dun da da dun....dun da da

I saw Indy 4 last Thursday. My job got us all tickets. I was going to write this that day as soon as I saw it but I wanted to wait and let things marinate for awhile to see if I did still feel the way I felt about it Thursday.

I am a HUGE Indiana Jones fan as anyone who knows me can attest to. Hell...my dad's ringer on my phone is the Indy theme (partly because he looks like Harrison Ford) And I have to say....and it pains me....it was OK. Yes, just OK. I had really really really high hopes. I really like Shia and Cate and I thought they would make good additions to the group. And they did....sort of. For the amount of time that they had to make/write this movie I expected a little more. It seems like just when it got classic Indy style it would get all stupid. Case in point: *not really a spoiler* There is a wicked, classic, knock into each others' cars chase scene thru the jungle. (cool) Then Shia gets caught up in some vines. Then he meets some terrible looking CG monkeys. In the next minute he is swinging Tarzan style thru the jungle with the monkeys who apparently are now his allies. (lame) Then he swings into the car and the terrible looking CG monkeys attack the "bad guy" car for absolutely no reason. (lame x 5)

I may be totally off base here but I just can't help but think that every little thing that is just this side of total crap is George Lucas' fault. Why can't someone reel that dude in? What happened to him in the 90's that caused him to be unable to write a decent story? I am not a huge Star Wars fan but I can totally admire that amount of story telling ability. And as previously stated...I love the first 3 Indiana Jones. If I ever meet him that is the first thing I will ask. "Hey George, what the hell happened to your brain in the 90's?"

There was a really cool side plot going on that would have made it hands down a better movie. But nooooooo he has to muck it all up and make a sharp left straight down stupid lane.
Throughout the entire movie I just kept having this nagging thought that there could have been such a cool story here, but it was being kept just out of reach.

I don't want to give out any plot spoilers for the 3 people that read this but can someone please PLEASE tell George how magnets work? I think he might have missed that day in school. So all in all...the Indy parts that were Indy parts were awesome. The story was not so awesome. You should go see it tho. It is good to see him back, and then go watch Raiders and you will be fine.

Babies, time and the things I need to do

My boss's wife is having a baby today and I have been thinking about it all morning. I was thinking about how my mom already had my sister at my age and had me before she was 30. That seems insane to me because of where I am in my life. Sure in 1977 things were different and she is way more organized than I will ever be but still. I really abhor the whole "I can barely take care of myself...blah blah blah" But sometimes it feels like truer words were never spoken. I mean it's not like I would let the kid sit in a closet and starve or anything, I know how to take care of a child but I get scared for my boss just thinking about it. Being responsible for another tiny life? I freak out now and think that my pup is sick with some terrible illness every damn day. And she is totally healthy. I wonder if I will feel more prepared when the time comes. I wonder if you ever feel prepared for that.

So that got me thinking about the passage of time. How time seemed to go so slowly thru high school (probably because I hated it) and these days it seems like it is flying. But then on a Friday afternoon before you have an awesome weekend planned time will seem to stop. And while you are banging your head on your desk in frustration your friend could be scrambling to try and get something finished - watching the clock like it is going double fast. It is weird that time is such an established thing, old as...well...time and yet it can feel so wishy-washy.

So that got me thinking about the things I want to do in my life. So I started to make a list. All the things- little and big that I would like to do, see, experience, become. It was interesting how many things I thought of once I got started. Someday I hope to get thru them all. Or at least a huge chunk of them. But today as I look at the clock moving EXTRA slow...all I want is this. Me, Momo and Mike sitting right here:

Bring me the funny!

I was going to go with the inevitable "bringing funny back" title. But then I realized there might be a paper thin chance that someone other than Mike actually reads this. So I thought the association to Justin Timberlake could be a potential deal breaker for my growing (fingers crossed) audience. Hence the non pop culture referenced title.

Good.
Now that we have that taken care of.

I had the scariest dream last night. An no...this isn't going to be a bloggie all about my freaky ass dreams. Although it could be if I wanted it to be...cause it is my spot o' blog and I shall do with it what I wish. Anyway...this dream was so scary when I woke up from it I woke Mike up from a dead sleep and made him check out the apartment. I was really scared. I had to snuggle up next to him and momo even tho there is a freak heat wave happening in the Bay Area and it was like 9 million degrees in our bedroom. I can't even remember what it was about except there was an apartment building and freaky people after me. The weird thing is that I think I have had this dream before. Reoccurring nightmares are such a bitch. I was surprised tho by the severeness of the dream only because last night was my favorite night of the week. It was Thursday and that is a good TV night. And no I am not talking about Lost you losers. That show sucks...get over it.

I'm so happy that shows are back to being truly funny again. Before this new line up started I couldn't remember when I had actually laughed out loud at a sitcom. Obviously leaving out certain exceptions like "Arrested Development" and "The Simpsons". Shows like "My Name is Earl", "The Office", "30 Rock"...these shows are reaffirming my belief that TV can be really funny. Even SNL has been funny lately. And I'm not talking about cheap laughs. I'm talking about laugh out loud funny. This makes me happy. Don't get me wrong...I love my drama. Law and Order will always top my list. But who doesn't have a soft spot in their hearts for some good ole' fashioned 1/2 hour of funny?

(quote from 30 Rock) Liz:

Hi. I'm really sorry about what I did, and I know that you can't forgive me, but just to even things out, here's all my weird secret stuff. I have been sexually rejected by not one, but two guys who later went to clown college. I get super nervous whenever I hear a vacuum cleaner because when I was a kid my mom used to turn on the vacuum to drown out the sound of her and my dad fighting, which is why I rarely vacuum my apartment, like never. I have had three donuts so far today. Once in college, I pooped my pants a little bit at a Country Steaks all-you-can-eat buffet and I didn't leave until I finished my second plate of shrimp. A couple months ago, I went on a date with my cousin. Wow... I am a mess. There is an 80% chance in the next election that I will tell all my friends that I'm voting for Barack Obama but I will secretly vote for John McCain. Here's one, when I was a kid I used to put on my fanciest nightgown and then I would mix orange soda and cream soda in a champagne glass and sit in the dark and watch The Love Boat. Consequently, I have some weird sexual fantasy stuff about Gopher from The Love Boat. And I lied, I have had five donuts today. So that's my deal, now we're even.

Classic.

The other thing about this new trend that makes me happy is the emergence of hilariously funny female comedic writers and actors. Like my own personal favorites Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. And my quickly rising idol Kristin Wiig. These ladies personify funny in a way that makes you have to respect them. And I love them for it. They aren't ditzy funny, skanky funny, or bitchy funny. They are just funny. Yay for funny!

And I am sorry to you Lost people for calling your show stupid (no I'm not) and by the way...Heroes sucks too! HAHA

Gum

I saw a commercial last night for gum that said that Extra sugar-free gum was a new and delicious 5 calorie snack. What the fuck?! Since when is gum a snack? Chips, nuts, pretzels, popcorn, cookies, these are snacks. Gum is not. Gum is barely a member of the candy family. But the ad did tell me that I could go from "nice gut" to "nice butt" so it must be magic gum. And if that is the case then they are marketing it all wrong.

Socrates McFadden and comic lore

I've been getting these spam mails in my hotmail account lately and the names that they come from are totally awesome. Is it wrong that the fake people from Spamtown seem cooler than your real friends and family? Examples: Socrates McFadden, Abioye Pitts, Nemisis Block?! I want to live in Spamtown! I can change my name and sell Viagra for 2.99.

In other news!

I saw Iron Man this weekend and I really liked it. I thought it was really well done. I am a "late bloomer" when it comes to comics and things of that nature. I was a tomboy growing up but I was an outside/sporty tomboy so I kinda missed out on the whole comic culture. I didn't really start to know or care about anything comic related until I started really hanging out with the boy that would become my husband. I walked into his room for the first time 7ish years ago and was assaulted by the hundred comics on his wall (not to mention the early 80's space wallpaper that looked like it was printed on crazy red and blue graph paper behind the comics). I was instantly fascinated and to be honest felt kinda sorry for my little empty, drab walls at home.

I am an avid reader and I always lumped comics in the category of magazines...and boy was I wrong. I would ask Mike about some of the covers that caught my eye and he would tell me the story. I got really interested in some of them and then he would start to tell me the "mythos" (some went back a good 30 years or more!) behind certain characters and stories. I was honestly floored. I had no idea comics were so enthralling. I liked that they could pack huge stories in a few pages and the tension could continue along book by book. My favorites started to become X-men because it was one where the ladies really truly kicked some major ass

and of course Batman. I've always liked Batman...but the Michael Keaton Batman I knew and loved paled in comparison to the stories Mike would tell me about. Having a contingency plan on how to destroy every member of the JLA in case they started trouble?! Kyrptonite gloves to beat the hell out of Supes?! Priceless. Then I read the Dark Knight and we started watching the animated series by Bruce Timm and I was friggin hooked. I would move to Gotham right this second if it were a real place. And I would start a gang with Ivy and Harley Quinn. Nah, screw it...it is my make believe story...I would be Harley Quinn.

Except I would take less shit from Joker.

Next came the HeroClix, and the trips to the comic shop, and the game where Mike would say the "super name" and I would have to figure out their real name. I know I sound like a dork when I talk about this stuff to other people but I don't care. Some of the most interesting conversations I have had in the last 10 years have been about comic stuff.

So, I saw Iron Man. And loved it! And I stayed after the credits and saw the secret part. And I cheered! And I felt a swell of pride when I cheered because I not only knew what they were talking about(which it seems few did)...I had his whole goddamn HeroClix team! And got the power attack bonus too, biyatch! And I gotta tell you, it feels good to be part of this dork nation. Even if I am a noob.
Clearly this last part is a rub to all of those English teachers that told me I couldn't start sentences with "and!"

And I am done.

Why are you 40 and on a scooter?!

I take the train everyday to work.



It isn't the most fun thing in the whole world but it is $106.00 for an entire month of travel... back and forth as many times as I want. Take THAT gas! HAHA, suckers. So in taking the train I see a lot of stupid things. Mostly because there is a large concentration of people on trains and people are stupid.

For example: This morning I was arriving at my stop which happens to be the end of the line, San Francisco. It is uber busy during the commute times...cause...well...it's a train station during rush hour. I was sitting in my chair (aisle seat) listening to music with my eyes closed. I'm sorta half sleep in the morning cause it is boring and reading on the train makes me sick. So, I am sitting there and, mind you, we are a good 5-7 minutes away from actually stopping. Suddenly the woman next to me decides that she would like to leave and get in the line that forms when antsy people can't wait to get off the train...RIGHT NOW. So she precedes to hit me with her purse. This startles me so I open my eyes and look over at her like "Whatthefuck?!" is written on my forehead. She is hovered over me looking as if she is ready to climb me like Everest... so she can stand in line... to wait... for the train to stop... in 5 minutes. So in fear of getting hit by her "it took the entire cow to make" purse, again, I stand up and let her out. But now I have no where to go so I am stuck standing. Blast! I need to get a bigger bag.

Now when you exit the train there is only one way to go so it is basically like a herd of cattle heading to the slaughter. Everyone trudges along heading to their respective shitty jobs. Except for the group of people I lovingly call Wheeltards. These are the people that if we were all cows would get tazed (btw tazed is not really a word but I refuse to change it) because they jack up the whole process. The WT (as I call them in my head) this morning that I wish I could've tazed was a 40 something year old business man. Who was trying to unfold his razor scooter in the middle of the stampede. As he swung the thing around and it hit my shin I started to wonder; What possesses a 40-something year-old man to ride a razor scooter? What causes him to think... "Hey, I have to get from here to there and I want to do it .02 seconds faster than those schmucks walking."? And "Hey...those 8 year-olds in my neighborhood that have them look really bitchin' and I'm just sooooooo jealous of them."

Watching him mess with it made me think of when my cousin used to give his Transformers to my mom so she could help him change them to the "more than meets the eye" part. And he would look up at her, and she at him, and they would just stare at each other. My mom couldn't change them into anything. She couldn't do it because THEY WERE FOR KIDS. And as we all know, kids are just smarter at shit like that. Those 8 year-olds on his block could probably make that scooter ridable in 3 seconds blindfolded underwater. But Mr. Need for Speed was messing up the whole system. HE is a Wheeltard. Other wheeltards include people with wheelie bags and people with strollers but when the kid is replaced by Macy's bags. Bikes aren't included because those people are persecuted on the train so they know their shit and do it perfectly. Yeah...wheeltards...I gotta get a tazer.

I had the weirdest fucking dream last night

As my title states...I had the weirdest fucking dream last night. I went to sleep kind of early because I was soooo tired and as soon as I fell asleep I was scared. I hate those kind of dreams because I never know at first why I am scared. It is like coming into a horror movie a half hour late. The weirdest part was that in my dream I was just in my bed at home. I could tell Mike was next to me and I knew that Pocky was there too. Before I go on I guess I should explain. Pocky is our pug min-pin mix. She goes by many names but her full name is Apocalypse Momo Von Doom. She is the cutest and oddest dog in the entire world. We got her for free from some guy that was too selfish to have a dog. She sleeps right in between Mike and I usually smashed under one of us. We think she is autistic or "dogtistic" (see former posts) because she likes to be squeezed. We make her say ridiculous, horrible, racist things (even tho we are the most un-racist people out there) because she is so cute and we like the contrast. Hence the spike collar. Anyway enough about her...on with my dream. So, I am in my bed but awake not knowing why I am so scared and then I see this little guy. I had to draw him because there is no way I could describe him well enough. He appeared on my chest like this:

Except he was less cartoony and way more scary than this picture. But he wasn't even the scariest part. It was what he planned to do to me. That is the other thing that was fucked up about this dream - before you start thinking dirty things...you freaks- it wasn't like that. He was going to unravel me...yes unravel...like a sweater. That is what I hate them most about dreams like that. He never said he was going to unravel me..I just knew it. Which is ten million times worse. But I couldn't move or talk or anything...of course...so I was just lying there waiting to be unraveled. But then...just when he was going to start Pocky barked in the "real world" and it woke me up. But I was still scared. So I crawled up next to Mike and grabbed Pocky for good measure and tried to go back to sleep hoping that the dude wouldn't show up again. And he didn't...at least not that I can remember.

See...that was fucked up.

Regret, Headaches, and Transformers

I didn't like that font. It was too close together. It gave me a headache. Not like that is very hard these days...seems like lately if a leaf touches my head I get a massive headache. I think it is my brain telling me to shut the fuck up and relax. I feel exhausted when I wake up in the morning and that, my friends, is just ridiculous. I feel like I have been playing an uber-intense "hiding for your life" game of hide and go seek...all night long. Why? you ask? Why do I feel like this even in my sleep? Because I seem to be drowning in regret lately. It seems like every decision I make I regret...and if I don't regret it...I feel like I could have made a better one.

Maybe that still is regret...I dunno. See! I just regretted using the phrase regret. I tell you...something is coming over me and I don't like it. My dad is like this...only on a much bigger level. I am not blaming him because I don't like it when people blame all their bad traits on their parents. I am just saying that now I get where he was coming from a little better. But now the question is: how do I get out of it? I don't really know yet but I am hoping that I can figure it out over the next couple of weeks cause I need some sleep! Stay tuned bloggie readers (all 2 of you)to see the miraculous conclusion of Regretful Laura. By the way...the main happiness I get from life is smashing two words together to make a new "omniword" and it is pissing me off that I can't do it with blog readers. It comes out as bleaders...which is just wrong. reaggers? maybe...i dunno...still have to work on that one.

On a completely other topic...sort of...I think I shouldn't be alone in my regret soup because last night we watched Transformers, and Mr. Michael Bay should be swimming in here right along with me. Some of the fights were neat...some parts were sorta funny...and the rest was just garbage. How many story arcs should one "robot" movie have? Apparently 12 not including the underdeveloped love story.

It would have been so good...if they made the transformers design less busy, took out almost every other human except Shia Labouf, removed the military element entirely and for god sakes...can we please leave out the "hot girl who knows cars(at least knows that his car stopped because the gasket cap was loose), cause she used to steal them, with her dad, who is in jail, cause she turned him in, who rides on a moped yet has the skills to drive a tow truck with a giant robot hooked to it backwards thru a crazy city?"...wait...now that I think about it...this is the only movie where a character like that could have ever existed. Well done Mr. Bay...you are creative.

Lala

I was just thinking last night...

Wow, I haven't written anything on here since July. That is a long fucking time. I think it is because I have been trying to get together a book. So all of my errant thoughts have gone onto paper. I know, I know, it seems a bit old fashioned but my best thoughts seem to come to me where a computer is not only unavailable but totally inappropriate. Like in the middle of the night or in the shower. I guess paper and pencil is a little ridiculous in the shower too but you know what I mean. I think I am going to get some of those crayons that you can draw with in the shower so I can remember stuff. But because this blog isn't meant to be the story of the shower I shall move the hell on.

This bloggie is about some thoughts I was having last night before I went to bed. I was thinking about Mike, my husband. Our relationship ALWAYS seems to be the target for criticism. True, it is always people that I don't care about enough to actually talk to them for real and it is always a very "outside looking in" comment on us...but it still pisses me off. I happen to feel that we have an extremely strong partnership. So I got to thinking why it is always questioned and I think I figured it out. People still have such a fucked up view on what happiness is and what the reality of two people going thru life is that it makes us look weird. My Gram always used to say that she knew we were going to be together forever because we can call each other retards, laugh, talk about some sticky situation we are in and then kiss all in the span of 5 minutes...while driving in the car...while Mike is on the phone. We just try to be real. I was telling a story to a former co worker of mine once and by the time I was done you would have thought I told her about how I raped her cat. I was telling her about when we got married (at a state park for less than 2 grand btw) we left the reception and went back to the room...and soon got hungry and bored. So we called up some friends of ours to see if they wanted to go to Denny's. So on our "wedding night" we had an awesome meal and conversation with friends. That is fun for us. We could have sat in the suite with candles and stared into each others' eyes but that would have been totally lame. So she was horrified (I believe her wedding cost about as much as a house-and horses and crowns were involved) but that is how we are. We are weirdly independent and at the exact same time I need him more than air.

So, why does it bother me so much that people constantly want to say we are wrong and have a weak relationship? Normally I would say thanks, fuck off, and that would be that. But this really bothers me. I think it is because with ALL of the the stuff that I fuck up in my life I strive to make my relationship good. I may falter here and there with some things because I have a fucking hurricane in my brain at all times but I really try to make this good. And It makes me mad when people put all of their weird fucked up stuff on me. So, this is what I was thinking about last night before I went to sleep. I told you it was a hurricane in there. Thanks for reading...